Is there a "Perfect Cambodian Woman?"

The ideal look of a perfect Cambodian woman

Similar to numerous women, I was raised with the belief that I could never embody the ideal image of a Cambodian woman. My laughter was deemed too boisterous, and my pace of walking was considered too brisk. Even during my time in university, I faced occasional mocking from classmates, urging me to adopt a slower gait and tone down my laughter. It appears that no matter where one finds themselves, expectations are always placed on women.

Apsara dancers adorning the walls of Angkor Wat

Take a look at the exquisite Apsara dancers adorning the walls of Angkor Wat, each embodying the idealized image of Srey Krup Leakenak, the "perfect woman." In many ways, these dancers symbolize the long-standing expectations that have restricted Cambodian women.

Women of my mother's generation, now 55 years old, were raised during a time when girls were still being taught the Chbab Srey, either by their mothers or in school. The Chbab Srey is a set of guidelines conveyed through poetic verses, dictating the behavior expected of Cambodian women in order to be considered pure and virtuous.

The Chbab Srey outlines a series of rules and principles that apply to both young girls and married women, emphasizing the importance of submitting to their husbands' desires. It states that women should accompany their husbands to the dragon world, serving them diligently and avoiding any actions that would upset them. They are also strictly instructed never to touch their husbands' heads.

Additionally, the Chbab Srey insists that women should be polite and reserved.

While there is also the Chbab Proh, a code of conduct for men, its regulations are far less strict.

In Cambodia today, gender discrimination faced by women is predominantly a result of cultural norms rather than laws. In many rural areas, the Chbab Srey is still strictly adhered to, and women's submissiveness to men contributes to the widespread issue of domestic violence in the country.

During my travels to rural provinces, I spoke to women about their experiences and asked them about the qualities they seek in a husband. Many simply expressed their desire for a partner who drinks less and inflicts less violence upon them.

However, there are positive changes happening for women in Cambodia. Women are increasingly becoming the main providers for their families, and more parents, including my own, are encouraging their daughters to pursue their dreams.

Nevertheless, it is crucial for Cambodians to challenge the cultural norms perpetuated by the saying "Boys are gems, but girls are white cotton." Today, everyone has the potential to shine brightly. Many Cambodian women have already shattered gender barriers across all levels of society. Let us leave behind the outdated notions of Srey Krup Leakenak and focus on moving forward.

“Be respectful towards your husband. Serve him well and keep the flame of the relationship alive. Otherwise, it will burn you. Do not bring external problems into the home. Do not take internal problems out of the home,” instructs the Chbab Srey.

The condensed version, which is taught to students in grades 7 to 9, contains various statements like: "A woman is the source of happiness in the household" or "If a woman behaves badly, her husband will be judged negatively by others."

The disgrace and the customs linked to this set of principles is a stain that allows for the perpetration of abuses in a climate of impunity. As per the same report, 96.2 percent of men and 98.5 percent of women in Cambodia believe that a woman should submit to her husband, and 67 percent of women stated that they should endure violence to maintain their family unity.

"Other types of violence, such as psychological, emotional, or economic abuse, do not carry legal consequences in Cambodia and are nearly impossible to trace,"

Chbab Proh, the guidelines for men

In Cambodia, there exists a separate set of principles for men, known as Chbab Proh, which has much less strict regulations. "The text encourages men to be leaders: be strong, organized, prepared, responsible, respectful towards teachers and elders, and take care of your family,"

Additionally, while the Chbab Srey extensively outlines how a wife should behave towards her husband, parents, and elders, "the Chbab Proh barely mentions the respect and honesty that a husband should reciprocate towards his wife"

A gender equality assessment conducted in the province of Siem Reap in 2014 found that the Chbab Srey had no impact on their perception of gender equality. They, however, expressed agreement with the principle that states, "When girls are gentle and slow, they are pleasant" and "they should acquire knowledge of household chores and be amiable."

Regarding boys, the same educators emphasized their qualities of leadership.

The Chbab Srey restricts women's capacity to pursue their own ambitions and aspirations in life. She believes that gender discrimination in the country is primarily a result of cultural norms rather than legal mandates.

In other words, women in Cambodia are still expected to live according to outdated customs and submit themselves to the desires of their husbands. It is disheartening to see that Cambodia is not progressing like the rest of the world, where women have equal rights and are recognized as successful CEOs compared to the high failure rate of men. Cambodian women own 61% of businesses, so it is time for us to unite and demand equal rights, respect, and recognition instead of being treated as objects to be abused or toys to be played with.

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